The Dialog Blog
The Dialog Blog
People say it. I write it.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

One Market

Posted at 1:02 PM

"The U.S. out of the U.S.! Freedom for all!"

The Ferry Building

Posted at 12:53 PM

"I had that experience in Japan. I had to take a poo, and not knowing the language, I didn't know how to find a bathroom. You would've thought I'd be smart enough to figure that out before I left for the trip, but I didn't... So, finally, I found some French guy, and he told me I was screwed. He said the closest bathroom, other than one of those holes in the ground, was 15 minutes away by subway. So, I got on the train, holding it back, and then when I got to the place the guy told me about, it was one of those holes in the ground. But I had to go so bad that I didn't care. The problem, though, was I couldn't figure out how to lower my pants and squat without falling over into the hole. But by that point, I had to really go, so I just pulled my pants off over my shoes and stood over the hole. I think only half of it fell in. And then I couldn't figure out how to wipe. I mean, there wasn't any paper or water or nothing in the room. Just the hole. It wasn't until later that I figured out you have to buy toilet paper from a machine before you go into the room with the hole. Generally, I had a shitty day."

Monday, August 30, 2004

Market @ Beale

Posted at 1:39 PM

"I used to take CalTrain to work, but so many people were jumping in front of the train to commit suicide that it took twice as long to get to Redwood City than if I just drove."
"Sometimes, I had that problem in Germany."
"Yeah, but don't the Germans like to take a few other people out before they commit suicide? Isn't there a German word for that?"

24th @ Valencia

Posted at 10:53 AM

"A box fell over in my closet and it's blocking the door. I can't get anything out of there--not even my socks--so, I went to the hardware store to ask if they knew anyone who could jimmy the thing open..."
"And what'd they say?"
"That nobody does that kind of work anymore."

Hermosa Beach

Posted at 12:20 AM

"She needs to read that book about fear."
"The one about listening to it?"
"The one about facing it."
"Do you remeber the title?"
"Something Fear. By that one doctor."
"I'll look for it."

Los Angeles: Dollar Rent a Car

Posted at 12:12 AM

"Sit down, Mike! Sit down!"
"This cigarette looks like a bullet."
"Sit down!"
"Like the bullets in Iraq."
"Okay, now sit down. Please."
"I could shoot a fly off the wall over there."
"Okay, that's good. Now sit down. Sit!"
"It's too hot to sit."
"Then stand quietly."
"I need to sit."
"Then sit, quietly."

Los Angeles International Airport

Posted at 12:09 AM

"He saw me seeing him."
"Shut up. Keep seeing him."
"He's seeing us."
"That's fine because we're seeing him."
"He's so hot."
"I can see that."

Los Angeles: Pico @ La Brea

Posted at 12:07 AM

"Yo, check that out."
"Goddamn, what are they feeding white women these days?"

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

24th @ Valencia

Posted at 12:18 PM

"And the homeless guy shouted at my Mom, 'You're just another Zionist!'".
"But your Mom is Korean."
"That's what I mean. Everyone is thinking way too much about the Middle-East."

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

PacBell Park

Posted at 2:21 PM

"Hey, boy, we missed you at AppleBee's last night."
"Goddamn, that was last night? I always miss the best things in life."

One Market

Posted at 2:19 PM

"I'm a Research Technical Analyst."
"So what do you do?"
"Whatever the fuck I want."

Dolores Park

Posted at 11:14 AM

"I got so trashed last night, dude."
"That's so cool."
"Yeah, my head's killing me, though."
"It'll go away. Hey, what'd you got going on tonight?"
"You want to head to The 500 Club? It's two-for-Tuesday pints."

Monday, August 23, 2004

Valencia @ 24th

Posted at 2:50 PM

"Alien vs. Predator could've been such a better movie."
"How so?"
"Take out the plot..."
"There's a plot?"
"A little. Anyhow, take it out and add Starship Troopers, so then you get Alien vs. Predator vs. Starship Troopers."
"Oscar material."

Sunday, August 22, 2004

18th @ Valencia

Posted at 8:19 PM

"Who's the woman in your tattoo?"
"It's not a woman. It's Geronimo."
"Geronimo. The native American leader."
"He looks like a chick."

Rite Aid on 24th

Posted at 10:39 AM

"'Cuz my register don't work, that's why."
"Did you page Felix?"
"Of course I paged him. He don't respond, never. Every time my register is down, it's call Felix this, call Felix that. And I don't ever see the man. I don't even know if he exists. John's the one that always fixes my register. When I page Felix, I get John. For all I know they're the same guy."

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Off Union Square

Posted at 9:24 PM

"Just go in there and tell them they're jerks."
"That's not a professional way to end a job."
"Jerks. You guys are a bunch of no good, lousy jerks. There's nothing profane about it."
"It just doesn't sound good, Dad."

California @ Van Ness

Posted at 9:22 PM

"Just bodies and gasoline."

Polk @ California

Posted at 9:20 PM

"Three bucks to ride the cable car! That's outrageous!"
"But it's an experience."
"An experience? The damn things move as fast as a fat man on crutches."
"But they're pleasant."
"Pleasant? The cable that pulls them up the hill sounds like a chainsaw. No way am I going. No way."
"Come on."
"No way!"

Friday, August 20, 2004


Posted at 4:23 PM

"You're lucky. My brother is such a loser."
"How come?"
"For starters, he's 21 and still living at home. And he smokes pot like it's a career. He's even proud of the fact that he got some doctor to prescribe him pot for insomnia. He uses the prescription to go to the cannabis clubs to get his supply, and then he sells it at cost to anyone who wants to buy it. He thinks he's doing some kind of community out-reach instead of drug-dealing."
"Do your parents know?"
"Yeah, but they're too scared to kick him out of the house because they don't know where or what he'd deal. As long as he's at home, they have an idea of what he's up to."

Jones @ O'Farrel

Posted at 3:04 PM

"Some guy just ran to the toilet like his ass was screaming."

Thursday, August 19, 2004

24th @ Diamond

Posted at 4:53 PM

"That's trippy. Is the door supposed to be locked from the inside?"
"I don't think so."
"That's trippy. Look, if you push the handle, it doesn't move in the direction it's supposed to. Isn't that trippy? But if I push the handle this way, it totally opens. Look. Trippy."

24th @ Noe

Posted at 1:24 PM

"You were all telling me how great the buffet at the Bellagio was, and it sucked."
"What are you talking about?"
"What am I talking about? We went in toward the end of lunch--they were setting up for dinner--and then they took all the food away. We would go up and try to get food, and they would say, 'Get away, that's for the dinner customers.' Then we'd say, 'Then where's the food for the lunch customers?' And they said, 'Lunch is over.' We said, 'We paid for lunch.' And then they said, 'There is no lunch. Go pay for dinner.'"
"So the buffet didn't suck, you were just stupid."

24th @ Sanchez

Posted at 9:28 AM

"Your dog tried to bite his leg off?"
"No, my daughter. She's three."

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

6th @ Geary

Posted at 6:26 PM

"Speaking of crack, don't you have somewhere to be?"
"Dude, you're quick today. I can't top that."

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Church @ Market

Posted at 8:01 PM

"Spare any change?"
"I'm sorry, too. Sorry for asking."

Church @ Market

Posted at 7:59 PM

"My hands are as clean as Michael Jackson's."

Ocean Beach

Posted at 4:00 PM

"That fog sure doesn't make you want to take off your clothes and run naked through the water."
"Neither does that dead sea lion."

Gough @ California

Posted at 3:58 PM

"Spare any change?"
"Yeah, right. Thanks a million, pal. Thanks for everything."

Monday, August 16, 2004

24th Street BART Station

Posted at 9:41 PM

"Yo, man, check this out: breaking the law, making the law..."

One Market

Posted at 9:37 PM

"You'd think I was their only goddamn employee. I'm sick of the place. Hell, I should incorporate myself."

Fillmore @ Jackson

Posted at 11:08 AM

"Okay, thanks for keeping me posted. No, I think it's very important. Sure, sure. Call me next year."

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Fort Funston

Posted at 2:02 PM

"The leather was a new experience for me."
"And I'm done with it."
"Sorry to hear that."

Pine @ Van Ness

Posted at 2:00 PM

"Dude, you know all those strippers are, like, smart. They all strip to pay for college and shit."
"Yeah, I know."

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Church @ Caesar Chavez

Posted at 12:38 PM

"Hey, look at my dry-cleaning bag."
"They love their customers?"
"My Saturday's taken care of."

Friday, August 13, 2004

Lombardi Sports @ Polk

Posted at 3:43 PM

"Oh my God, I don't know why I'm doing this. I can't afford to spend any more money on clothes."
"I'm so sorry. Here, try these on. They'll make you look like such a hoochie-momma."

Thursday, August 12, 2004

16th @ Valencia

Posted at 6:20 PM

"So I say, 'Travis, you're almost 30-years-old. Have you thought about what you're going to do with your life? And he says, 'Music.' So I ask him how many shows he's played in the last 5 years. And he says, 'Zero.'"
"Yeah, but how many novels have you written in the last 5 years?"
"But when asked about my future, I don't go around saying, 'Writing.' Plus, I have a job, a savings account, and a roof over my head."

Alta Vista Park

Posted at 6:18 PM

"I-C-E C-R-E-A-M!"
"I-C-E C-R-E-A-M!"
"I said, no."

A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Books: Paul Krugman Reading

Posted at 6:14 PM

"This is just too much."
"I know, look at all these people. Where are we going to sit?"
"Just too much..."
"Is that a spot up front?"
"What are we going to do?"
"Stand, I guess."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Do you see a spot?"
"My goodness, no."
"This is the last time we're coming here. I absolutely will not put up with this."

Lombardi Sports @ Polk

Posted at 6:11 PM

"Vince, can you sneeze with your eyes open?"
"No you can't. It's impossible."
"No it's not."
"Then do it."
"But I don't have to sneeze right now."
"Next time you have to sneeze, let me know. And do it with your eyes open."

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Starbucks @ 24th

Posted at 9:43 AM

"Tall latte for Gay-bin!"
"Thanks, that's Gavin."
"It says Gay-bin on the cup."
"Then that must be my name."

24th @ Noe

Posted at 9:39 AM

"Okay, here's the trash can."
"What for?"
"To put the trash in, stupid."

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Trader Joe's @ 9th Street

Posted at 9:32 PM

"So, you want cash back?"
"No. I just like buttons. I like pushing them."

Jackson @ Laguna

Posted at 12:17 PM

"His career is going gangbusters because he's stealing from all of his clients."

Monday, August 09, 2004

Java Beach @ Judah

Posted at 3:52 PM

"Robin, latte for Robin! Robin, turkey sandwich for Robin! Robin, salami sandwich for Robin!"
"Guess everyone knows your name, now."

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Osmosis Spa, Freestone, CA

Posted at 9:12 PM

"And I'll take these, please."
"Did you pay for your treatment already?"
"Credit card or cash?"
"It was a gift certificate."
"That was thoughtful. I don't see a gift certificate here, though."
"It was phoned in yesterday, probably by credit card."
"Okay, let me see... Hey, Cynthia? Cynthia? Sorry, she's always busy... Cynthia! Where's the roster for this morning's treatments?"
"Well, why wasn't it near the computer?"
"This gentleman wants to add these items to his gift certificate."
"Actually, I can pay for those separately."
"You sure?"
"Okay. Let me subtract the price of the items from the gift certificate."
"It was a phoned in credit card payment, not necessarily a gift certificate."
"Oh, that's right. Sorry about that."
"No problem."
"Cynthia, how do... Cynthia! Damnit. Sorry. She always runs off."
"That's okay."
"Cynthia, how do I add these items to the phoned in credit card payment?"
"I wanted to pay for these items with cash."
"Oh, that's right. Sorry about that. That'll be $4.75."
"No, thank you. And I hope you enjoyed your relaxing stay."

Espresso Roma @ Fillmore

Posted at 9:00 PM

"I'll have the decaf Earl Grey. What'll you have, Jenny?"
"The chocolate peppermint sounds good."
"Oh, that does sound good. I'll change my order to that, please."
"What a minute. Is the chocolate peppermint have caffeine?"
"There's chocolate in it. There's probably a little."
"Oh, I can't have that."
"Switch my order too."
"So what will you have?"
"I can't deal with any black teas."
"Me neither."
"Here's our list of green."
"Oh, they all sound so good."
"What's matach?"
"It's a green tea, silly."
"I know but what is it?"
"You mean, it's, like, instant."
"No, the leaves are ground into a powder. It's Japanese."
"Oh, I don't like Asian teas."
"Let's go with the Earl Grey."
"So both of you want the Earl Grey?"
"Hey, wait a second. Doesn't that have caffeine? Jenny, does it have caffeine?"
"Yes, it does. It's also a black tea. Let's look at the list of green teas again."
"Knock yourself out..."

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Van Ness @ California

Posted at 9:35 PM

"Hey, where's Time Square?"
"Time Square?"
"You mean, Union Square?"
"No, Time Square."
"Three-thousand miles that way."

24 Hour Fitness @ Van Ness

Posted at 9:32 PM

"C'mon, Janice. Two more. Let's go!"
"I, can't."
"You can!"
"My back. My weak spot."
"Make that weak spot your sweet spot!"

Friday, August 06, 2004

Dolores Park

Posted at 10:11 PM

"My God, whenever I try to walk the dogs across the street, cars speed up."
"No, your dogs are way too cute."

18th @ Church

Posted at 10:06 PM

"Hey, you guys. I just found out The Cure show was sold out."
"No way!"
"Yes way. So, we're going to have to bum-rush eBay to get tickets."

Alta Vista Park

Posted at 10:59 AM

"I think I have to go to the bathroom."
"Like, crap?"

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Polk @ Pine

Posted at 9:48 PM

"H-e-l-l-o, pants. It's a very good night to be you, isn't it? G-o-o-d-b-y-e, shirt. You wouldn't want that as a neighbor, would you?"
"Agreed. That's a tenancy uncommon."

Whole Foods Market @ California

Posted at 9:43 PM

"I just don't allow him to eat soy."
"None at all?"
"Not one soy bean. His performance wanes."
"No, are you kidding me?"
"He's, well, not up to it."
"I've never heard that."
"It makes sense, doesn't it? They tell us to eat soy all the time because it mimics estrogen. What do you think anything that mimics estrogen would do to a man?"

24th @ Sanchez

Posted at 7:11 PM

"Can you believe that jerk? He almost ran us over."
"Get used to it. It's part of the lifestyle."

24th @ Noe

Posted at 7:06 PM

"After all, you don't know who could be walking by you on the sidewalk."
"What do you mean?"
"Your future boyfriend or husband could be passing right on by you."
"I doubt that."
"In this city, it's more like your future stalker."

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Eddy @ Webster

Posted at 8:11 PM

"Hey! Hey! Yo, Hey! I got your number, baby. I sure got your number. You know it. It's in my pocket getting nice and warm."

Laundromat @ Jackson & Webster

Posted at 8:08 PM

"You're going to leave your quarters here?"
"Nobody's going to take them. Losers don't live here."
"Losers live everywhere."

Dolores Park

Posted at 8:01 PM

"Hey, look at that guy. He's like the Mexian Sean Connery."
"Yeah, he looks exactly like Sean Connery."
"You think James Bond is Mexican?"
"I think you have to be a subject of the royal crown to be in Her Majesty's Seceret Service."

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Jeep Dealer @ South Van Ness

Posted at 11:55 AM

"You need to park here?"
"Yeah, you need me to move?"
"Parts. Up? Down?"
"Yeah, the parts department is there--first floor. So, you need me to move or what?"
"Park for parts?"
"Christ, do you need me to move my car so that you can get to parts?"
"No, park car to get parts."
"You know, fuck this. Go find a spot..."
"Park here?"

Monday, August 02, 2004

Bank of America on 24th

Posted at 12:48 PM

"Sweetheart, you forgot to add my account number."
"I'm sorry sir."
"Not a problem. Just do it."
"There you go. Again, sorry about that."
"It's okay, sweetheart. We all have our days of failure."

Fillmore @ Clay

Posted at 11:40 AM

"You know, black people own all ATMs."
"What are you talking about?"
"That's why the surcharges keep going up. They're empowering themselves."
"I can't talk to you anymore."

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Trader Joes in Napa

Posted at 3:22 PM

"Hey, you got a customer."
"Yeah, I've seen them before."

A Market Off Highway 121 Towards Napa

Posted at 3:19 PM

"Hey, where's the cherry juice?
"We're out."
"Then maybe you should take the sign down."
"Can't. That's the name of our store."

Diamond Cafe @ Diamond Street

Posted at 3:13 PM

"You know coffee causes cancer. They just can't prove it yet."
"That milk you just poured into your tea causes sinus and allergy infections."
"Only in large amounts. And only in those with a genetic predisposition towards respiratory problems."
"That contradicts what I read on WebMD."
"The Internet is not a doctor."
"And either are you."
"But I read books."

About Me

My name is Gavin. I'm a 32-year-old San Francisco, CA, resident who enjoys hearing the oddest conversations and sharing them with you.


Frank Black
Community of Writers
Sean Kirkpatrick
Drew's Script-O-Rama
Museum of Bad Art
The I.F.O.C.E


Zen Habits
The Happiness Project
Dean Karnazes
Mighty Foods
dangerous compassions
From the Rear View Mirror
Tony Pierce
Kevin Drum
Oliver Willis

Books To Read

Caught Inside

The Guards

All The Trouble You Need

Hardcore Zen

Keeping Warm


Continental Drift

Chez Chance

The Los Angeles Diaries

Bear Flag Rising


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