"My name's Nelson. Like Nelson Mandela."

"My favorite homeless guy is the one down at the Ferry Building who wears an Ethiopian Army uniform."
"I haven't seen that guy."
"Yeah, he's pretty cool. He wears a beret and sunglasses, too. His shopping cart has the Ethiopian flag draped over it and there's some political slogans written all over some cardboard."
"I like the black Mad Maxx guy."
"He's been around forever."
"I still like him. He even wears his leathers on hot days."
"I'm not a big fan of him. I think he's trying to copy the George Clinton wannabe who hangs out over at the bus terminal."
"No, that guy moved to Market. He sits near all the bike messengers who smoke pot all day."

"What's he doing?"
"BART surfing. If you stand and don't hold on to anything, it's like surfing. So I here. It's fun to watch them in between 16th and Civic Center because the tunnel curves and they can fall down. Most of them ride it out, though."

"They're twins?"
"Yeah."
"Do they get along?"
"Only if they're in separate rooms."

"Hey, I'm not paying another $250 ticket just to unload a box of apples."
"Your company is paid to deliver..."
"My company doesn't pay me to pay tickets."
"We don't care where you park, as long as we get our apples."
"You see, that's the problem. There's nowhere to park around here."

"Whenever someone forgets to lock their computer, I send an Employee All email that says Balls in the subject heading."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"You'd be fired for sexual harassment."
"That's not harassment. It's humor."
"You're so young, Tony. And you don't even know it."

"Can you be fuddled as well as befuddled?"
"Huh, I never thought about that."

"It's just an expression."
"You saw how Terry reacted."
"I didn't direct it towards him."
"It doesn't matter. You never say dead weight on site. Especially during a recession."

"Looks like ice cream."
"It's gelato. It's Italian."
"Still looks like ice cream to me."
"Look, honey. A white chocolate raspberry."
"I bet you can get that as ice cream somewhere."

"Thirty-years-old and he can't buy a house here. And he makes good money. Anywhere else, he'd be considered rich."
"California's bullshit."

"Hey, when you're tapping your foot, you're tapping my ass."
"I bet you like that."
"What did you say?"
"We're good, man. We're good..."

"And I walked out with three purses..."
"It's plants I can't stop buying."
"But that's nice. Your house must look nice."
"Well, Bob's sick and tired of it. Last time he mowed the lawn, he threatened to dump all the grass in the living room as a way to save money from me spending it all on plants."

"And she's engaged to be married. Just not to me."

"No good, goddamn liars. All of you."
"Yeah, Benny, all of us cops are dishonest and out to get you. That's why the city pays us. To lie to you."

"I have fourteen stops in between home and work."
"That's unbearable."
"No it's not. I get to people watch."
"Unbearable."

"Could you even shift it into first before you bought it?"
"No, well, barely."
"Good luck."

"No, I retired but came back to check my voicemail."

"And when they turned the heat up in that yoga studio, I just wanted to get out of there. My stomach was queasy from the ravioli and a line of sweat shot down by back. One of the old women next to me had a wretched case of athlete's foot, and whenever we bent over she would scratch her toes."

"Shame about Johnny Ramone. Best show I ever saw was The Ramones. This was like twenty-years ago, but we watched them get up on stage, and Joey said something--nobody could understand a goddamn word he said--but when the music started, nobody cared. And the funny thing was every song sounded the same. All of them. Same beat, probably the same lyrics. And before every song, Joey would say something to the crowd that nobody could understand. But we all went crazy anyway. Best live show I ever saw..."

"I don't understand it."
"You don't have to understand it, you just have to do it. All the documents have to have running headers."

"The skate kids aren't as active as they used to be."
"Really?"
"Yeah, look. They're just sitting there. Oh, wait. One of them's moving. Hey, he's pretty good. He just hopped over his buddy."

"Like an idiot, she parked in somebody's driveway at Dolores Terrace. And of course her car got towed. And then she blamed me for it because she said the directions I gave her weren't good enough."
"What an ass."
"And get this: she wants me to pay the $180 that she had to pay to get her car back from the tow-truck company."
"No way."
"Like parking in somebody's driveway is only illegal here. How could she think that?"

"People should drink more juice."
"I agree."
"There'd be fewer heart attacks if people drank more OJ."
"Nobody's arguing with you."

"Your shoes don't match."
"So."
"It's stupid."
"You're stupid."

"Bitch."
"What?"
"Not you. Her. Big-butted bitch up there."

"Get some honey cake, it's at the bakery. What's the matter, you don't like honey cake? I bet you never had honey cake. It's better than those dried apples over there. And honey cake won't break your diet. Trust me. Honey cake is good. It's better than Captain'N Crunch."

"Excuse me, would you like to defeat George Bush this election?"
"I'm already voting for Kerry, thanks."
"This is actually to raise money to..."
"I'm already voting for your guy. Let me be..."

"Excuse me, would you like to help defeat George Bush this election?"
"No thanks."
"You wouldn't?"
"I didn't mean it like that. I need to get to work, that's all."

"I keep giving and giving the insurance company money."
"$20,000 so far?"
"$26,432 to be exact."
"They don't let up."
"Tell me about it. It's like trying to get orange juice from an apple."

"Hell no, dude. If they put ALF back on TV, I'd be in Heaven."

"You smell like sunshine dust."
"Whatever..."

"The office chair makes or breaks your day."
"No kidding."
"I could go three days without sleep, totally ramped up on coffee, but if there's no lumbar support, forget about it."
"I won't even step into a place that doesn't have Aerons."

"Scary."
"Elevator's not scary."
"No."
"Elevator's okay, baby. Don't be scared. It stinks, that's all."

"The party was wild, man. Doober wore Depends over his jeans, and Mark spread chocolate cake on the butt to make it look like he crapped."
"No way."
"It was the best."

"I'm like a Chiuaua, bro. I snap at the bitches that try to fuck me."

"This part of the city's awesome. Like, Kerouac used to get drunk and write here."
"It really happened."

"You've been reserved, man. Whenever you buy that Steel Reserve and pour that shit down your throat, you've been reserved."
"But I like the shit."
"You've been reserved."
"But I..."
"Reserved."

"The Gap windbreaker is nice, but it's not the kind of thing I can wear to work."
"Sure you can."
"No, it's too sporty. Most of Gap's clothes are too sporty for work. At least for me."
"What about the Banana Republic one?"
"That one's too fancy for work. It's not like I'm a lawyer, you know."
"You need a wind breaker. Everyone's wearing them these days."
"I know. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"She was Baby-Poo, and he was Corn-Poo."
"Baby-Poo?"
"You had to be there. They each wore Depends..."
"That's some costume..."
"That wasn't even the best one."

"I want to have sex with someone who deserves it."

"Alive or dead, I'd have dinner with Jesus, Hitler, and Guns & Roses."
"Man, I'd just eat with Axel Rose. And we'd BBQ."

"Dude, I have no respect for someone who lets their dog get that fat."

"What the hell is that?"
"It's an Asian hot dog."
"It looks like a bagel dog."
"The West thinks it invented everything."

"I hope you like Hawaiian shirts."
"No, I don't. The color schemes always look foolish to me."
"Everyone here wears Hawaiian shirts on Fridays."

"I'm new. Here for my ID."
"What's your employee number?"
"I don't know. I'm new."
"Did you talk to HR?"
"Yeah, they said talk to you."
"No, you have to talk to IT."
"I talked to them already. They said talk to you."
"No, that's not how it works. HR gives you an employee number to give to IT, who gives you a badge that you give to us, and then we turn that into an ID that has your photo on it."
"I just want something to get into the bathroom."
"Sorry, you have to talk to HR."
"You kidding?"
"No."

"My God, look at all that Coca-Cola."
"Impressive, huh?"
"In one tub?"
"It's La Cola Oceana."

"I actually heard some academic on NPR say violence is a form of love. That the person committing violence does so because they care so much about the other person."
"Hey, man. 9-11 was pure love."

"Get your car out of the road!"
"Shut up."
"Move that piece of shit!"
"Shut up."
"It's green asshole!"
"Shut up."
"Fuckin' go!"
"Shut up."

"Remember us? We're the local radicals from up the street. We've come with gifts."
"What is that thing?"
"Republican Monopoly."
"You made that?"
"Laminated it and everything. And let me tell you, it took a long time to find all of the pictures."
"Enron?"
"You see, instead of properties, you land on corporations."
"Dick Cheney?"
"That's the Get Out of A Senate Hearing Card. Believe me, you'll want that."

"Chuck really needs our support right now."
"Why, what happened?"
"His brother died."
"My God, how?"
"I don't know how to put this gently: asphyxiation. Chuck is in LA this weekend, cleaning out his brother's house and arranging the funeral. Please give him a call with some kind words."
"I will, of course."

"I had a chance to see Allen Ginsberg read when I was in high school, but I didn't go because I had to study for a calculus final. Then he died a few weeks later."
"I meet Ginsberg at Long Beach State. He was outside my tool room, fussing with the ice cream machine. He put his money in and didn't get his Fudgesicle. He told me he wanted his money back, and I told him it wasn't my machine. He asked whose machine it was, and I told him I didn't know, but I'd be happy to try to get his Fudgesicle. So, I grabbed a pair of pliers and told him not to tell anybody what I was about to do. He promised he wouldn't tell, and then I took the top off the machine and grabbed one of the ice creams. He said he didn't want a Push-up, he wanted a Fudgesicle, so I put the thing back and got the one he wanted. Kind of a pushy guy, that Ginsberg."

"I'm so sick of this election. They both lie. They both play dirty. And they both never talk about the issues that matter. Neither of them represents me."
"You should vote for Pop-Pop."
"Who?"
"My grandpa. He lived through The Depression, Word War II, and he supported a family of six. And he knows all about cars."
"Well, he sounds better than the two choices we're faced with."
"Oh, and Pop-Pop never beats around the bush. He hates everyone and thinks the world turned to shit thirty years ago."

"Dad, they're out of rootbeer."
"That's it. Drop everything. We're out of here."
"But my burrito..."
"Forget about it."
"Oh, come on. I'm hungry."
"There's a lot of hungry people in this world."
"Can't you just get a Coke or something?"
"Of course I can. Lighten up. I'm just joking."

"So I saw this PG&E truck driving right down the street, towing a fishing boat."
"Maybe the had to repair a cable in the bay."
"Yeah, that's why there was a couple of fishing poles and a cooler in the back."
"Nice job if you can get it."

"I'm looking for non-fat cheese. I don't understand why
they don't carry the non-fat cheese anymore!"
"They do, here it is: non-fat cheese."
"I don't want it."

"Want some lemonade?"
"No thanks, I don't have any money on me."
"Oh, that's okay. You can have some anyway. Mommy wanted to get rid of the lemons because they were moldy."