The Dialog Blog
The Dialog Blog
People say it. I write it.

Friday, March 31, 2006

One Market

Posted at 5:07 PM

"Hello, this is John. What? No, you called me. I just picked up the phone. What? Whatever, buddy. Go find another planet."

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Mission @ Gurerro

Posted at 8:22 AM

"Hey, be a good black boy today. And don't hit any other little black boys."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

One Market

Posted at 5:06 PM

"This penny has been scratching lottery tickets since nineteen forty."

One Market

Posted at 4:50 PM

"The guy who taught us advanced algebra in college was a total lush. He was Welsh and had a nose like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Every time he moved, you'd get a whiff of gin."
"I've always thought being an alcoholic was a prerequisite for teaching math."

One Market

Posted at 4:06 PM

"There's this new Web site called It's for people who really don't like cilantro. You know, cilantro literally tastes like shit to some people. Scientists think it's a genetic thing."
"How fascinating."

One Market

Posted at 2:06 PM

"I can guarantee you that our stock will crash tomorrow."
"And why's that?"
"Because I get my first stock option grant. It's the fourth rule of physics that I never make a cent off stock options."

Monday, March 27, 2006

Crissy Field

Posted at 1:36 PM

"I walked by a homeless person sleeping in a doorway, and I thought their mattress looked familiar. When I got to the hospital, one of the other nurses said we were missing a gurney. Well, I knew right where it was alright. We sent a couple of orderlies down to get it."

Embarcadero BART Station

Posted at 1:32 PM

"Use your elbows. That's how you get people to walk up the escalators."

Friday, March 24, 2006

One Market

Posted at 4:41 PM

"Where you going?"
"Sacramento? What for?"
"The Sacramento ladies."

One Market

Posted at 1:20 PM

"I wiped my ass with my bare hands in India. I can do anything."

One Market, elevator

Posted at 9:34 AM

"That's what your wife said?"
"Yeah, she's a complainer."
"I'd complain too, If I was your wife."
"How's your roommate?"
"He's still blacking out every night. He's comatose."
"I heard he punched some guy."
"No, not really. He sucker-punched some sales guy."
"At a bar?"
"No, at the office."


Posted at 9:31 AM

"Auturo, look. They're doing it."
"It says here they're taking organs."
"Taking people's organs. When they're still alive."
"Oh, who do you think? You're going to make me cry."

Monday, March 20, 2006

One Market

Posted at 1:44 PM

"Did they diagnose your grandpa's breathing problem?"
"Yeah, it's weird. Apparently, it isn't walking aneumonia, but a fungus growing in his lungs."
"That's gross."
"Apparently, it's common in certain areas. It's called Valley Fever. A lot of people that live in the Centeral Valley get it."
"My mom's a nurse. She told me that Valley Fever is from breathing in too much poop."
"He did work in a hen house as a kid."

North Bay Medical Center

Posted at 9:55 AM

"You ever hear about your great, great uncle Charlie?"
"Old Charlie started working in the mail room of Gulf Oil when he was fourteen. This was back in nineteen twenty one or twenty two. I just can't remember anymore. Anyhow, Charlie worked for Gulf for fifty years; made his way up to regional manager. He brought home a lot of bacon. He retired at sixty four and a half, played his best game of golf, and died of a heart attack out on the course. You know who Glen Davis is?"
"No, I guess you wouldn't. He was way before your time. He was a football player, and he was playing golf with Charlie when he died. Glen was a straight-shooter. He spoke at Charlie's funeral."

Friday, March 17, 2006

One Market

Posted at 10:05 AM

"Just try to get a stall at three. That truly is the dumping hour."

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Embarcadero

Posted at 3:32 PM

"Hey, Santiago. What're you up to?"
"A hundred miles of pussy."

One Market

Posted at 2:37 PM

"Did you just call me a douche bag?"
"I'm not going there. I just said your screen saver was a little weird."
"It's a joke. You think I really like Tupac?"
"I wouldn't make him my screen saver, that's all."

Chow, Church @ Market

Posted at 8:34 AM

"I'll have the fried egg sandwich."
"How do you want your egg?"
"What are my choices?"
"It's a fried egg, honey. Over-easy, sunny-side-up."

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

One Market

Posted at 3:40 PM

"I loved Belgium, but I hated the people and the food. Madrid had possibly the rudest people I've ever met. But I think those were French tourists in Madrid."

Everette Middle School

Posted at 3:28 PM

"You watch The OC?"
"No, I don't have a TV."
"You don't have a TV? What'd you read or something?"
"Yeah, or go for runs."
"I hate running. I'd die without TV."

Everette Middle School

Posted at 2:37 PM

"Hey, do you speak Spanish?"
"No, but I know a few words."
"You know hola?"
"Yeah, that means hi."
"You know banos."
"Yeah, bathroom."
"Hey, how do you say carpet in English?"
"Oh, yeah. Huh."

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

One Market

Posted at 4:00 PM

"All Indian movies are the same. People dancing around in the rain and falling in love without kissing."
"Your Chinese movies are boring."
"Yes, boring. Always some old wise man talking. Big deal."

Jackson @ Webster

Posted at 3:49 PM

"Was she the one that only smoked menthols?"
"No man. That was the black chick that gave me head at that party."

Monday, March 13, 2006

Paradise Valley Retirement Community

Posted at 2:20 PM

"They want fifty dollars a year to subscribe the Naval Academy's alumni newsletter. I guess I could get the four year for two hundred dollars deal, but I don't know if I'll be alive in four years. Oh, pooh. I only read the 'Last Call' section to see who's died anyway."

Paradise Valley Retirement Community

Posted at 2:17 PM

"When I graduated from the Naval Academy in forty-five, our slogan was 'Look Alive in Forty-Five.' Now that so many of us World War Two fossils are dying off, our slogan is 'Stay Alive, Forty-Five.'"

Paradise Valley Retirement Community

Posted at 2:10 PM

"Remember, we've got to use up all those frozen cranberries."
"You know, from Thanksgiving. You bought all those cranberries to make your compote."
"Cranberry compote?"
"The one you make every year. The one with oranges."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You've made it every year for the past fifty years. How could you not remember?"
"I've always used the cranberries out of the can."
"No, the cranberry-orange compote. Remember?"
"I wouldn't like cranberries with oranges. I don't know what you're talking about."
"You're losing your memory."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"I am not."
"Oh, for crying out loud."

The Ferry Building

Posted at 2:08 PM

"I remember him from the eighties. Didn't he play for Chicago? His hair sucked."

Friday, March 10, 2006

One Market

Posted at 2:45 PM

"You can be bald and get women. You can be fat and get women. But you can't be bald and fat and get women."

One Market

Posted at 2:24 PM

"Fart: The Movie. Come on? That can't be real."
"Darn tootin' it is. We're renting it tonight. Want to join us?"

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Pancho Villa @ The Embarcadero

Posted at 12:55 PM

"I'm going to get me a burrito with a hundred grilled onions."

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

One Market

Posted at 3:22 PM

"No, you see, the black mouse tries to kill the white mouse without losing his helmet."
"You mean the helmet can't fall off?"
"Right. If the helmet falls off, even if the black mouse kills the white mouse, it doesn't matter. He loses."
"Even if he's killed the white mouse?"
"Right. He has to kill him with the helmet on. Or, he loses."
"But he's killed him."
"Yeah, so?"
"Doesn't it just matter that he's killed him?"
"Hey, I didn't make the rules. I just put the mice in the box."

Monday, March 06, 2006

One Market

Posted at 12:33 PM

"I didn't know Robert Altman was that old. I though he was going to die when he got up to get that Oscar thing."

Friday, March 03, 2006

California @ Market

Posted at 1:29 PM

"Wow, that's some Girl Scout cookies up the ass!"

Pancho Villa @ The Embarcadero

Posted at 12:24 PM

"I've told him the day he graduates from high school, his bags will be packed and put on the front porch, and his mom and I will be in Hawaii. He's had his fun time, and it'll be time for the parents to have some fun. He'll have to work just like everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but he has to work too."

One Market Street

Posted at 12:22 PM

"Diva International? What the hell kind of store is that?"

16th Street BART Station

Posted at 8:13 AM

"My Chinese fag mom."

Thursday, March 02, 2006

One Market

Posted at 1:20 PM

"What is it with this fucking guy? He sends so many emails a day it's unreal."

One Market

Posted at 9:46 AM

"Oh, man. I almost got decaf by accident. That would've made me one unhappy guy, and the company could've lost millions today."

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

16th @ Valencia

Posted at 8:44 AM

"Takin' drugs. Takin' drugs. Takin' drugs. If you have it, smoke it. If you don't have it, smoke it."

About Me

My name is Gavin. I'm a 32-year-old San Francisco, CA, resident who enjoys hearing the oddest conversations and sharing them with you.


Frank Black
Community of Writers
Sean Kirkpatrick
Drew's Script-O-Rama
Museum of Bad Art
The I.F.O.C.E


Zen Habits
The Happiness Project
Dean Karnazes
Mighty Foods
dangerous compassions
From the Rear View Mirror
Tony Pierce
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Books To Read

Caught Inside

The Guards

All The Trouble You Need

Hardcore Zen

Keeping Warm


Continental Drift

Chez Chance

The Los Angeles Diaries

Bear Flag Rising


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