"Wait, what's the purpose of this meeting again?"
"It's the pre-meeting for Friday's review meeting."
"Oh, right."

"All you faggots can eat ass for all I care. Bunch of faggots. Leave me alone."

"When I lived there, it was like, I had a view of seventeen million dollar homes, and two blocks away I could easily get my ass kicked."

"He said he wanted to work at Google, and I told him that commuting to Mountain View everyday is like getting stabbed in the balls."

"Hey, welcome back. How was your trip to Guatemala?"
"Fantastic, thanks."
"Did you get robbed?"

"Our missionary group, Bikers for Christ, has over a hundred thousand members."
"Wow."
"You see, we do something positive. We go to places like Guatemala, and we buy a motorcycle for a local pastor so that he can ride around his country and spread the Gospel. We had one pastor cry when we bought him a bike. He said he'd been praying to God his whole life for a motorcycle. Why are you guys going to Guatemala? Are you with a missionary group too?"
"No, we're just going to visit?"
"To visit? What's there to visit?"

"Hey, you guys aren't wearing dresses."
"We weren't on the scavenger hunt."
"It doesn't bloody matter, mate. On Saturday night, all men wear dresses here. It's for the women."

"Hey, stay away from the monkeys. They clearly don't like you."

"Gallo."
"Huh?"
"Gallo. Guatemala's beer. It's the best in the world. In Guatemala, we wake up and drink Gallo."

"How is your food?"
"Fantastic. I've never had mole like this in America before."
"That's because in America mole is made from the backside."

"What do you guys eat in Denmark?"
"We pretty much eat potatoes. There's a lot of potatoes there. We fry potatoes, boil potatoes, bake potatoes--we do it all."
"Yeah, but our national dish is kind of a meat ball. What's so funny?"
"Nothing."
"You Americans...crazy."

"Bob's just one of those guys who came here after Vietnam. He pretty much drinks all day and takes drugs. A couple of weeks ago, he fell off the dock and screamed, "Help! Head wound! Head wound! Life or death over here!" There's always something going on with Bob. We always have to sixty-nine him from the bar."
"Don't you mean eighty-nine him?"
"Oh, yeah. That's right. No one wants to sixty-nine Bob."

"Things are just different in America. Like that cow over there. American cows are just so much bigger than that. The cows are so big they can barely walk. Kind of like Americans."

"Hey, shut that dog up. He's fuckin' up my peace."

"Who is this? This is Rich. Who the bloody hell are you?"

"Have you been to Europe?"
"No, not yet."
"You're ignorant."

"So I don't get it. People from Denmark aren't Dutch?"
"No, those are people from Holland."
"Then who are the people from the Netherlands?"
"Those are the Dutch too."
"I still don't get it."
"Holland and the Netherlands are the same place."
"That doesn't sound right to me. Why doesn't their country just have one name?"
"I don't know. It's like there's America, and then there's the United States."
"Then who are the Danes?"
"From Denmark, I think."
"And what about Scandinavians?"
"Those are people from Norway and Sweden."
"But not Finland? That's way up north too."
"Those are Finnish people."
"But why aren't they called Scandinavian?"
"I don't know. They're all white. It doesn't make much difference."

"No, Miami Vice went down hill once Phil Collins showed up for an episode."
"Did you see him on Touched by an Angel?"
"Who, Phil Collins? No. Did he play a werewolf?"
"Why would he play a werewolf?"
"I don't know. Maybe he played a robot. I've never seen your angel show."

"There was one episode about gay monkeys, but other than that, I can't stop watching the show."
"Sounds a little too Planet of the Apes for me."
"No, not really. There's no monkeys wearing Egyptian hats."
"I don't know. I can see why science fiction has a bad reputation."

"Our customers will taste the power once this goes out."

"Maybe you should just give your two week notice. Then, party for like a month or two, and then look for another job."

"And how are you feeling?"
"Fine. Listen, doctor. I pissed another pint. Is that good?"
"Yes, of course."
"I want to piss a lot more for you. I'm drinking as much water as I can."
"Good."
"My insides still feel soft. If those fuckin' slave drives at work did what they were supposed to, I wouldn't be in here, you know.

"You nurses ever get people with rabies in here? How many dog bites do you see a day? I once put a dog down because he bit a friend of mine. That sucker needed to be taught."

"No, I will not sit down! Get me out of this hospital! I got things to do!"

"The one thing keeping me alive is that I want to vote for a Republican president in 2008."
"Out of all the things to..."
"--Shut up! I'm an old man with not much time left. It's your time to listen, not talk. I don't have any more time to argue. You just listen. If those damn Democrats get the house, I can guarantee you this country will go the way of France and head straight down the dumper."

"It says here we're going to run out of fish in fifty years."
"Why?"
"Because we're over fishing. You know what this means, right?"
"What?"
"There's not another fish in the sea."

"Nobody said it was going to rain today. When I looked in the paper, the was one of those pictures of a sunny sky. And the weatherman had a picture of the sun on TV this morning."
"Well, it's raining."

"This Starbucks coffee is strong."
"It's not Starbucks."
"Yes it is."
"No it's not. The place is called Peets."
"Peets? I've never heard of that."
"Well that's where you got your coffee from."
"No, this is Starbucks."
"Look at the sign right there. It says Peets. That's where you got your coffee from, isn't it?"
"Yes, but this is Starbucks coffee."
"Whatever."

"A hundred dollar parking ticket. Can you believe that shit?"
"That's unbelievable."
"The average person on Earth makes two dollars a day. How the fuck would they pay for a hundred dollar parking ticket?"

"People's costumes suck ass this year."

"That's the mustard guy from last year."
"That's kind of messed up. You shouldn't wear the same costume two years in a row."

"Hey, what is that guy?"
"I don't know, Elvis?"
"No, I think he's a shark."