"Honey, can we please go."
"We still need to find a duvet."
"A what? Jesus, we've been in here for an hour. We're going to die in here."
"Don't be so dramatic."
"My body is going to decompose in here. Holding a spice rack. I know it."
"Oh, relax."
"Hey, you. Don't let your wife or girlfriend pull you in here. You're young. You've got time."
"Don't bring him into this."
"I'm telling you, get out while you can!"

"I hear that if therapy was a game show like Jeopardy, then every answer would be 'your mother.'"

"My Internet is pretty fast."
"Yeah, what kind you got?"
"Oh, let me see. It's high-speed Internet."
"So you have cable?"
"Good heavens, no. I hear that's expensive."
"So you must have DSL."
"No, it's not that either. It's called high-speed Internet."
"Dial up?"
"Excuse me?"
"Is it dial up? Do you use a modem."
"I think so. There's some kind of phone line connected to it."
"Weird they call it high-speed. Dial up is slow."
"Well, it's fast enough for me. I don't think I'd want it any faster. It might cause a fire."

"I want a whole pizza."
"A whole one?"
"Yes, a whole one."
"Like this one here?"
"Yes, but with all the slices. And with double pepperoni."
"Whoa, that's going to cost you."
"What do you mean? It says up there it's only eighteen dollars."
"Yeah, but you want double pepperoni."
"So."
"That's double. Whatever double-eighteen dollars is, that's what it costs."
"What? That doesn't make any sense."
"Hey, screw you. I just do what they say."
"What, excuse me? Who do you think you are?"
"Hey, step off."
"Are you on drugs? I want to speak to your manager."
"Blow it out your ass."
"What?! What?! Your manager, right now!"