"What's the difference between All-Bran and fiber? I thought they were the same thing."
"Not really. All-Bran is a product that has a high-amount of fiber. Fiber, I think, is a part of the wheat kernel that the body can't digest."
"But apples aren't wheat, and they have fiber."
"Right, sorry. Fiber is just a part of pants and grains we can't digest."
"Then why does it make you crap?"
"Since you can't digest it, your body just pushes it out."
"How do you know all this?"
"I have this theory that the problem with America is that everyone is constipated. I mean, look at what people eat. Meat and potatoes. No fiber. Constipation leads to hypertension, weight gain, lack of energy, sluggishness. That pretty much describes Americans, if you ask me. Personally, I think the greatest thing the military can do right now is carpet-bomb America with boxes of All-Bran."
"Yeah, great idea."
"Hey, if you were on a battlefield, would you want a 22-rifle or a Daisy Cutter?"
"I'd want a shotgun for crowd control."