"Stan says pouring peroxide on it has a ninety-percent cure rate."
"Yeah, but he was in a lot of pain."

"Chickens need more legs."

"No way I be going out with him. He's got jacked up teeth and is hella ugly."

"Where's my Cadillac?! Nobody took me to school to get caddies. Faggot bitches."

"I know my run is good if I get a heart murmur."

"Hi, Yolanda. It's Michelle. Your neighbor. The reason I'm calling is because my husband Jack found a brown chihuahua in our backyard this morning, and the pound came and took it away. What? No. We didn't really know. I don't think they put them down for at least a week."

"Sometimes Mary wants to order a burrito, but I tell her she can't because she's on a gluten-free diet."
"Not eating burritos must diminish her quality of life."

"You work at the BART station?"
"Yeah. Civic Center."
"What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen?"
"Well, a guy came in once, wearing just briefs and cowboy boots."
"But that's like an everyday thing in this city."
"Pretty much, yeah. You know, some guy comes into the station dressed as Darth Vader. Always has a big stack of library books."
"Wow, I haven't heard of that one."
"You hear about the Red Man?"
"No."
"Guy comes in all the time, wearing a white suit and red paint on his face. Don't know what to make of that."