"Okay, relax. Just think of something relaxing. Like a woman. Like Beyonce."
"Who?"
"You know, Beyonce."
"I think I know who you mean."
"How about Brittany Spears?"
"Yeah, I kind of know who you mean."
"How could you not know Brittany Spears?"
"I don't have a TV."
"Are you Mormon?"
"No. Do Mormons not watch TV?"
"Yeah, I saw that thing on TV where they showed all those Mormons with beards who don't want electricity."
"I've never heard of Mormons with beards."
"Yeah, and they ride around on horses."
"Oh, are you sure you don't mean Amish?"
"Yeah, them too. But they live in Pennsylvania. They're all like Muslims."