"This weekend's gay pride, you know. You're going to see a lot of crazy. I recommend you leave town unless you want a piece of the pie."

"Mexico City is like the worst parts of New York combined with the worst parts of Los Angeles. It's pretty cool."

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
"Nothin', officer. There's no drugs here."

"What'd you do today at school?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, come on. I'm sure you did something. What'd you eat for lunch?"
"Something."
"Yeah, was it good?"
"No."

"Excuse me. Is this where the F train runs?"
"Yeah. Up there. Goes up Market to where all the faggots goes."

"You hear about that bird attacking people on Front Street?"
"Huh? No."
"Yeah, some blackbird. There's even a blog about it. I walked by Schroeder's Pub and some talons scratched the top of my head. Look here."
"Wow, yeah."
"There's like twenty people that drink at the bar across the street and watch the attacks. It's pretty cool."

"It's not the erection that makes the man, it's the woman that makes the erection."
"Or the guy."
"Uh, right, or the guy."