"John, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times... Stay away from the pooper."

"My wife's all pissed that I called my girlfriend."

"You know Stacy?"
"White chick with big tits?"
"No, black chick with big tits."
"Oh, yeah: Stacy. Big ol' titties."
"Yeah, well she left her bag over at my place. It stinks something bad. I opened the thing up, and there's a couple months of dirty socks in there."