"Hi, do you have safe and humane cat traps for rent? My husband and I are having a bit of a problem. What, a three-day minimum? Do you have traps that hook up to kitty doors? Oh, I see what you're saying."

"That Gail, she's a weird one."
"I'll say."
"You know, on her first day, I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch with the team, and she said, 'What for?'"

"What's that?"
"Watermelon water. It's good, you should try it."
"What's in it?"
"Watermelon. It's a Mexican drink. Very good. Try it."
"Naw, anything Mexican really gets me off and running, if you know what I mean."

"Hey, you still at the old company?"
"No, man, fuck that place. Bunch of douche bags. They tried to fucking fire me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, can you believe those fuckers? I couldn't take their shit anymore. I just old them to fuck off."
"Wow, where you working now?"
"I'm just looking and shit. I'll find some dumb-fucking job. I always fucking do."
"Good luck."
"Fucking-A."

"Now that I'm painting more, I've thought about growing a goatee and getting a tattoo."
"What? Don't look cool, be cool."

"Hey, I got a poem."
"Yeah?"
"It's short."
"Well, get on with it."
"Fat boy walks home, alone."

"So, Grandma, how do you like it here?"
"Well, everyone is old. And it's not like Pittsburgh. But, heavens, everyone I know in Pittsburgh is dead, so where else am I going to go?"

"I don't know what this country is going to do. If people elect that Obooma, it will all go down the dumper. What kind of name is Obooma, anyway? It certainly isn't Irish. If people elect McCoon, at least we'll have a fighting chance against those Iraqis."

"This fuckin' city sucks. I want my money back."

"A house just isn't a house without cheese."