"You haven't heard of Badger Hole? They're a great band. They play beer-core."
"Beer-core?"
"It's a genre."

"Watch out for the wall."
"Huh? Ouch. Shit."

"Hey, did you get that second house?"
"No, that fell through. We ran the numbers again and decided that we wanted Lucy to go to school. Plus, none of us wanted to eat only beans and rice for the next twenty-years."

"Yo, she's in lower Haight. Remember her? Totally fine. You know, she was the Chinese-Korean-Filipino-Vietnamese chick."

"Hey, tee-shirts. Danny, you want an Alcatraz shirt?"
"No."
"Oh, come on. How about the Alcatraz psycho-ward shirt?"
"Dad...."
"What?"
"They're stupid."
"Well, I'm going to get one. I like Alcatraz."

"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Nothing. Going to see my dumb family."

"That's funny."
"What?"
"Dutch. Look at this. What a funny language."
"Yeah, it sounds like words from Disneyland rides."

"No, I don't watch movies like that. I have Tivo and Netflix."
"Both?"
"Yeah, fuck you, both. I don't let corporations tell me when and what to watch."

"Tonight I'm going to a friend's house, and we're going to pound a bunch of German beers and eat a lot of shnitzl. Meat and beer. That's what's for dinner."

"Think about good things. You'll feel better. No, good things. Damn it, I said good things. What's the matter with you? Don't you want to feel better? Think about good things."

"Do you want me to make the reservations at a real Chinese restaurant or at an American Chinese restaurant? Half of his family is half Chinese."

"Hey, does this go to the airport?"
"Shit, I don't where it goes. I thought I'd be in San Jose by now."
"BART doesn't go to San Jose."
"What, you shittin' me? This train shit is bullshit."

"The guy was in ROTC with me. He used to go with me to all the orgies in town and take pictures. Our fuckin' Captain found some of the pictures and lined everyone up, asking who would do behavior unbecoming of a soldier. And there the dumb shit is, in one of the pictures, standing against the wall, eating Dorritos."

"Man, this place is cool. As soon as I move--BOOM--it gets cool. Whenever I leave a town--BOOM, it gets cool."

"You see that thing about the grasshopper that drowns its prey before eating it?"
"Yeah, that was pretty cool. Did you see that show where ants crawl to the top of grass, and put their larva on the tips for cows to eat them?"
"No."
"Yeah, the ant larva grows well in cow shit, so the ants have evolved to have cows just eat their larva and turn them into shit."

"Hey, don't go in there. There's a meeting."
"What? Ah! Sorry people."

"Computers are smarter than you."
"No, they're just more pedantic than you."

"Sir, here's a username and password for you to try out the new feature."
"Are you asking me? Or telling me?"
"I'm, uh, just trying to help you."
"I already got helped. Erica helped me."

"Just put a little bit of finger in his butt."
"I don't think he'll respond well."
"It's medicinal."
"It's gross."
"You love your dog or not?"

"The pregnancy test was negative. Boy, did we celebrate."

"Mommy, can we get the healthy fries? You know, the ones that are good for you. The healthy ones. The real good for you kind. Mommy, can..."
"Yes, we'll get them."
"Whoopee! Healthy fries!"

"Some jerk, probably a kid, yanks a tree out of ground in front of my house. And now, the great city of Berkeley has charged me for unlawfully removing a tree."
"Get ready for Pelican Bay."
"Yeah, right."

"Everyone went home sick. It was the beans from Baja Fresh."

"What is that outside?"
"They're setting up some show."
"What?"
"I don't know. Some concert, I guess. I'll look it up on Google. It says here it's a band called Louis XIV. Ever hear of them?"
"No. That's a stupid name for a band."
"Hey, anyone ever hear of a band called Louis XIV?"
"No, but that's an awful name."
"Told you."
"I never disagreed. Hey, how old are we in here? Nobody's ever heard of Louis XIV?"
"I studied the French Revolution."
"No, it's a band."
"Never heard of them. What a dumb name."

"What kind of mix is he?"
"Shepard and lab."
"He's real nice."
"Thank you."
"How long has he been missing the leg?"
"It's been about a year and a half now."

"I was, like, at this shoe store. And, like, this gay guy came in to try on women's shoes. And, like, the real funny thing was he tried on a pair of heels, and, like, said they were totally gay."

"You know how Cajun-style cooking meant blackened?"
"Yeah."
"Well now it means poached."
"Man, that's fucked up."

"I've never seen a disaster like that. And I'm twenty-two."

"Hey, have you been to Nic's Crispy Tacos on Polk?"
"Yeah."
"Is it any good?"
"For a gringo taco, yeah."
"What's a gringo taco?"
"Nic's... You know, crispy shell. No hot sauce. Lettuce."
"Well then what's a real taco?"
"Corn tortilla, meat, hot sauce, cilantro, onion."
"That's it?"
"What else do you need?"
"Is Nic a Mexican name?"

"Their politics are based on bumper-stickers. Dumb."