The Dialog Blog

3rd @ Howard

2010-06-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

"Michael, where do you live again? The city?"
"Well, yes. I live in the city. Foster City."

10th @ Folsom

2010-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

"It's the Halloween women you gots to watch out for. They give you the trick and the treat."

1 Market

2010-06-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

"How do you like Kaiser?"
"I haven't used them yet. I just hated using Aetna. I need to get a check up."
"Check up? You'll do anything to get your balls touched."
"You don't have to make an appointment in this town to get your balls touched."

Washington Square Park

2010-06-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

"Since they've removed part of my colon, I tell my wife I'm not as full of shit as I used to be."

Columbus Ave.

2010-06-15T12:59:00.001-07:00

"World Cup! World Cup!"
"Hey, who's playing?"
"Anheuser Busch, man. World Cup! World Cup!"

Washington Square Park

2010-06-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

"Huh? No, I'm out walking the gals. Yeah, all three of them. They keep getting tangled up in the leashes, but Stella just took a big ol' poop so mission accomplished."

1 Market

2010-06-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

"What's your dog's name?"
"Kiro."
"Huh, what does that mean?"
"I don't know. It's what the place where we got him called him. Some people say it's Japanese or a mountain in Norway. But if you go to Yahoo! Answers it says something like, 'It's just a name: deal with it.'"

9th @ Clement

2010-06-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

"Now that my dad's retired, his two favorite things are getting the mail and going to Costco."

1 Market

2010-06-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

"I don't know why there's so much concern over feminine hygiene. My girlfriends and I could tell you that testicles are the worst smelling things in the universe."

SFMOMA

2009-08-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

"Wow, what is that?"
"Cardamom mouse frozen into bed of sweet spices."
"Oh. My. God. That looks like the best dessert in the universe. We've got to get that. How much is it?"
"Ten bucks."
"Fuck. That."

4th @ Townsend

2009-08-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

"Man, he drank all my Smirnoff and pissed on my couch."
"That ain't friends."

The Ferry Building

2009-08-07T15:20:00.001-07:00

"Summer TV sucks."

One Market Street

2009-08-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

"You see that Clinton hugged Gore when he came back with those Korean chicks?"
"No, really? Did Gore give a return hug?"
"Kind of. Maybe half a return rug."
"Not a full return hug?"
"Dude, he lost him the election."

Civic Center

2009-08-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

"We still talk and stuff. We just don't, like, talk."

Bed, Bath, and Beyond - 9th Street

2009-08-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

"Sir, did someone jack your cart?"
"Excuse me?"
"Someone steal your cart?"
"No, I just prefer to carry things."
"Excellent."

Bed, Bath, and Beyond - 9th Street

2009-08-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

"You finding everything alright?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"Good times, man."

The Embarcadero

2009-06-25T14:04:00.001-07:00

"This weekend's gay pride, you know. You're going to see a lot of crazy. I recommend you leave town unless you want a piece of the pie."

The Embarcadero

2009-06-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

"Mexico City is like the worst parts of New York combined with the worst parts of Los Angeles. It's pretty cool."

Market @ Jones

2009-06-19T16:33:00.000-07:00

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"
"Nothin', officer. There's no drugs here."

One Market, Elevator

2009-06-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

"What'd you do today at school?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, come on. I'm sure you did something. What'd you eat for lunch?"
"Something."
"Yeah, was it good?"
"No."

Civic Center

2009-06-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me. Is this where the F train runs?"
"Yeah. Up there. Goes up Market to where all the faggots goes."

One Market

2009-06-11T19:26:00.001-07:00

"You hear about that bird attacking people on Front Street?"
"Huh? No."
"Yeah, some blackbird. There's even a blog about it. I walked by Schroeder's Pub and some talons scratched the top of my head. Look here."
"Wow, yeah."
"There's like twenty people that drink at the bar across the street and watch the attacks. It's pretty cool."

One Market

2009-06-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

"It's not the erection that makes the man, it's the woman that makes the erection."
"Or the guy."
"Uh, right, or the guy."

One Market, Elevator

2009-05-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

"Everyone in the office is getting called in for jury duty."
"Unbelievable."
"They should just hold the trial here."
"The trial is already here..."
"Tell me about it."
"You know, I here they use PG&E bills to put people on juries."
"How do they do that?"
"I don't know, I just heard about it."

California @ Market

2009-05-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

"That comp class is hella hard, dude. Mrs. Gomez, is like, uh, a bitch."
"Spelling sucks."
"I, like, get the As and Os all messed up and shit. It hella sucks."
"I'm not going no more. Fuck comp."
"Yeah, dude. Fuck it."

Dolores Park

2009-05-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

"What'd you got going on tonight?"
"Drinks, of course. Followed by the Tranny Shack."

on BART

2009-05-15T09:16:00.001-07:00

"Asshole cops always bustin' me. Can't a girl just party?"

One Market

2009-05-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

"You say my name?"
"No, I said goddamnit."

One Market Street

2009-05-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

"The Bible says the children, y'all! Momma used to say the children! The wrath of God is going to come down on children!"

One Market

2009-05-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Hey, how was your date on Sunday?"
"She was fat."
"Oh."
"Typically, if they send you a picture with only their face, they're fat."

One Market

2009-05-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

"You think they'll let me wear sandals here? My feet need to air out."
"Sure, I see women with sandals."
"You know, at some places it's illegal to wear sandals."

Market @ Octavia

2009-05-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

"I smoked non-addictive marijuana daily for over twenty years."

Civic Center

2009-05-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

"Hey, man. Have a good day. Have a good day. Fuck you then, asshole!"

2nd @ Harrison

2009-04-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

"John, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times... Stay away from the pooper."

2nd @ Harrison

2009-04-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

"My wife's all pissed that I called my girlfriend."

Civic Center

2009-04-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

"You know Stacy?"
"White chick with big tits?"
"No, black chick with big tits."
"Oh, yeah: Stacy. Big ol' titties."
"Yeah, well she left her bag over at my place. It stinks something bad. I opened the thing up, and there's a couple months of dirty socks in there."

One Market

2009-03-27T16:42:00.001-07:00

"How about World Burrito?"
"No, man, I'm sick of that place."
"Let's go to Burgermiester."
"We went there Monday."
"You guys up for Chinese?"
"I did that yesterday."
"There's the taco truck."
"The line's too big."
"Falafel?"
"Talk about lines..."
"How about the crappy pizza place?"
"I had pizza for dinner."
"Is there a Chipotle around here?"

Market @ California

2009-03-27T16:41:00.001-07:00

"That bitch. I'm going to beat her ass or take all her money. But I'll let her decide."

Civic Center

2009-03-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

"Hey, fuck all you people. Yeah, you heard me. Every single one of you. Fuck you. You're all a bunch of liars and shit. And you're Chinese or something."

MUNI

2009-03-19T12:23:00.001-07:00

"Hey, can't you wait for my friends?"
"This bus don't wait."
"But they're right there. They're almost here."
"We've got to go."
"Don't be mean."
"This ain't a taxi. This is the bus."
"Hey, you guys made it. He was going to leave without you."
"What? No way! How rude!"
"Rude? Y'all better learn how to ride the bus."
"What? We ride it every day."
"Not my bus, you don't."

Civic Center

2009-03-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

"That Nate took half my burger and kicked my ass. Said it was the burger tax. That fuckin' Nate. His number's up, man."

Burger Joint, Valencia Street

2009-03-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

"A cheeseburger and fries, please."
"And you?"
"We're separate."
"You're paying separately?"
"Yeah, separate. We're not gay."

Civic Center

2009-03-06T08:59:00.000-08:00

"Dog Music the Musical. What a load of shit..."

One Market

2009-02-27T10:05:00.000-08:00

"Your desk looks okay, but you need to fag it up."

One Market

2009-02-25T15:26:00.001-08:00

"Nothing says vanilla sex like a guy wearing Dockers."

One Market

2009-02-24T11:23:00.000-08:00

"Hey, if you see Marco at the meeting, tell him we need him up here."
"I'm not going to the meeting. I'm just going to the bathroom."
"Tell Jason that we solved the tab problem. He'd like to know that."
"I'm just going to the bathroom."
"Oh. If he's in the bathroom, tell him."

18th @ Dolores

2009-02-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

"Yeah, you laugh, but when I get laid off--just like everyone else--I'm going to start my own company: DouchebagDriver.com. It'll be a place where people can post pictures with license plate numbers of cars that have cut them off. Maybe it'll be synced to Google Maps or something. It'll mostly be a site for cyclists because we're the ones most affected by douche bag drivers."
"No you're not. I'm cut off on the freeway all the time."
"You'd look good in a DouchebagDriver.com tee-shirt."

Westfield Mall

2009-02-21T16:58:00.000-08:00

"Tonya doesn't think lettuce is good for you."
"It's hella good for you."
"I said it wasn't nutritious."
"It's in salad and shit. It's gotta be good for you."
"It's just a plant with water in it."
"It's on burgers and shit too."
"So."
"You don't know shit, Tonya. You're hella stupid."

Westfield Mall

2009-02-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

"Bless you."
"Thanks. Ah, my nose. It's like, I want to sneeze, but I can't."
"Try."
"Ah, ah. I can't. Ah, it's like, why can't I just sneeze?"
"Count to ten."
"What?"
"Count."
"Why? Ah, ah. I can't live this way."

Civic Center

2009-02-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

"And he says to me, 'I'm not a medicine man, I'm a fucking surgeon, asshole.'"

The Ferry Building

2009-02-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

"I hope his new assistant can at least fit all the jelly beans into the jar... I mean, Jesus Christ. Sharon was such a fuck up."

The Ferry Building

2009-02-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

"People might think it's unconventional for me to believe in fairies and leprechauns, but that's where my religion requires an element of faith."

The Marin Headlands

2009-02-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

"So, how do you train for a fifty-mile run?"
"You just fucking run, baby!"

One Market

2009-02-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

"No, honey, I took the train. How could I have the car? Well, I don't know. Do you have the car? No, I'm not being coy. I don't know where it is. You took it for errands. No, why would I think you stole your own car? Listen, I'm going into a meeting. No, no. Of course I still love you. But this is challenging."

One Market

2009-02-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

"I think I'm going to name my band Three Pound Penis."
"Why not five pounds?"
"Yeah, maybe it should be five pounds."

ClubOne, The Embarcadero

2009-02-03T07:34:00.000-08:00

"I told her, 'You've got to let me see your tits before I get married tomorrow. I don't care if you're my wife's best friend.'"

The Embarcadero

2009-02-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

"Hey, you, don't touch my dog! She's in heat."

Bed, Bath, and Beyond: 9th @ Bryant

2009-01-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

"Honey, can we please go."
"We still need to find a duvet."
"A what? Jesus, we've been in here for an hour. We're going to die in here."
"Don't be so dramatic."
"My body is going to decompose in here. Holding a spice rack. I know it."
"Oh, relax."
"Hey, you. Don't let your wife or girlfriend pull you in here. You're young. You've got time."
"Don't bring him into this."
"I'm telling you, get out while you can!"

18th @ Dolores

2009-01-25T21:21:00.001-08:00

"I hear that if therapy was a game show like Jeopardy, then every answer would be 'your mother.'"

Trader Joe's, 9th @ Brannan

2009-01-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

"My Internet is pretty fast."
"Yeah, what kind you got?"
"Oh, let me see. It's high-speed Internet."
"So you have cable?"
"Good heavens, no. I hear that's expensive."
"So you must have DSL."
"No, it's not that either. It's called high-speed Internet."
"Dial up?"
"Excuse me?"
"Is it dial up? Do you use a modem."
"I think so. There's some kind of phone line connected to it."
"Weird they call it high-speed. Dial up is slow."
"Well, it's fast enough for me. I don't think I'd want it any faster. It might cause a fire."

Bondie's Pizza, Powell @ Market

2009-01-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

"I want a whole pizza."
"A whole one?"
"Yes, a whole one."
"Like this one here?"
"Yes, but with all the slices. And with double pepperoni."
"Whoa, that's going to cost you."
"What do you mean? It says up there it's only eighteen dollars."
"Yeah, but you want double pepperoni."
"So."
"That's double. Whatever double-eighteen dollars is, that's what it costs."
"What? That doesn't make any sense."
"Hey, screw you. I just do what they say."
"What, excuse me? Who do you think you are?"
"Hey, step off."
"Are you on drugs? I want to speak to your manager."
"Blow it out your ass."
"What?! What?! Your manager, right now!"

On BART

2008-12-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

"Dylan's cute."
"He's okay. He's just my seasonal boyfriend."

Redondo Beach, CA

2008-12-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

"Would you eat at a place called The Beef Egg?"
"Jesus, no. That's disgusting."
"Cool, that's part of the game. Come up with the most disgusting but real-sounding restaurant name."
"I like that. How about Mung's Angus?"
"That's a winner."
"How about Mung's Beef Butter Buffet?"
"I think adding the words Mung, Buffet, and Beef to any restaurant helps you win the game."

Redondo Beach, CA

2008-12-03T17:59:00.000-08:00

"What do you think the worst thing you can say to a woman is?"
"I don't know, 'Hey, did you gain a few pounds?'"
"Yeah, that's up there. How about telling a woman her sister is hot?"
"Oh, totally. Or saying something like, 'Why did you decide to wear that?' is always a deal breaker."
"You know, I knew this guy who told his wife right in front of me that she dresses like Charlie Brown."

Embarcadero MUNI Station

2008-11-19T15:29:00.001-08:00

"She' so fresh! She's so fresh! She's so fresh!"
"Excuse me--"
"--She's so fresh! She's so fresh!--"
"--Can you be quieter?"
"She's so fresh! What? Fuck you. She's so fresh! She's so fresh!"

Market @ Church

2008-11-19T15:27:00.000-08:00

"Dude, that chick was all over you."
"No, she wasn't."
"All over you. You need to go back there."
"Go back there? And do what?"
"Just talk to her. She was rad. Tell her she was rad."

Market @ Church

2008-11-19T15:25:00.001-08:00

"Hey, you ever notice how orange flavored Starbursts taste like pussy?"
"What? No."
"Yeah."

One Market, Elevator

2008-11-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

"You know, some guy once had a mattress delivered to the company mail room. A mattress..."

One Market

2008-11-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

"There is no pain like watching a good sunset with a no good woman."

On MUNI

2008-11-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

"Hey, y'all. I'm part of the Leonard Nimoy Fuck Club. Check it."

Redondo Beach, CA

2008-11-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

"You know how there's all these candles. Like vanilla candles, lavender candles, and whatever."
"Yeah."
"What if there was a poo candle?"
"What time does your flight leave again?"

San Francisco International Airport

2008-11-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

"They pipe oxygen into all the casinos. It's to keep people gambling."
"What, how do you know?"
"I read it somewhere."
"No you didn't. You don't read shit."
"Why do you always get like this?"
"Like what?"
"I'm just trying to tell you about something."

Redondo Beach, CA

2008-11-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Every time I ask my class a question, this kid yells out, 'Testicles!'"
"Send him to the principal."
"He's only six. I don't think he knows what testicles are. I think he just likes the word, and, frankly who doesn't like the word testicles?"

Long Beach Airport

2008-11-10T10:12:00.000-08:00

"Excuse us. Coming by."
"Hey, you have to wait in line like everyone else."
"But our flight's about to leave."
"Oh, sorry."
"No problem. We were at the bar and lost all track of time."

18th @ Dolores

2008-10-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

"Dude, I can't wait until the oil apocalypse happens. All these fat chicks will have to ride bikes and they'll loose weight and look hot."

Market @ Sanchez

2008-10-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

"No, her kids are loud and she's a bitch. You need to get up in her face and tell her that. Tell you what, when I get back to Ohio, if she hasn't quieted down and moved the cars off the lawn, I'll throw a hammer in her window."

Crissy Field

2008-10-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

"Honey, don't let him go over there."
"He's excited."
"He's going straight for the dog pooh. Oh, Tommy! Put that down. You don't want that."

18th @ Dolores

2008-10-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

"Here I was going to retire in a month, and this financial tsunami crashed down on us. Guess I'll be working a few more years... Then again, there was a time where I never even thought of retirement, when I was living in a VW bus with a tranny named Tiny, shooting speed."

One Market

2008-10-22T14:33:00.001-07:00

"Why is that guy in the Road Warrior named Humongous?"
"Because he's fucking humongous."
"Oh."

Market @ Octavia

2008-10-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

"No, no. The only way to make sure a woman ain't got no diseases is to get on down there and eyeball it."
"What?"
"You got to get on down there, you know what I mean? Get down on your hands and knees and spread it wide open and look around in there."
"No woman's going to let you do that."
"Tell them you're into just staring at it, that it gets your motor running, and she'll let you camp out down there as long as you want."

Market @ Octavia

2008-10-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

"Nothing has simplified my life like buying only black tee-shirts and black socks."
"But don't you get a bunch of black lent on your feet?"
"Who cares? Nobody's looking at my feet."

18th @ Noe

2008-10-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

"Those dykes sure didn't think his Fear of a Big Black Dick shirt was funny."

24th @ Diamond

2008-10-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Sam's got a girlfriend!"
"No way!"
"Yeah, even Sam."
"Sam's ugly."
"He had to ask her, like, five times before she said yes."
"Isn't that harassment?"
"No, Mrs. Fritchy said it isn't."

One Market

2008-10-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

"You know how embarrassing it is for your kid to break his wrist rollerblading? I mean, rollerblading? I told my ex not to let him near those things. I mean, anybody rollerblading is gay, right? And I don't want my kid to be gay. I've got nothing against gay people, I just don't want my kid looking gay all over the neighborhood on Rollerblades. That's just not right. It's not good parenting."

24th @ Valencia

2008-10-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

"Hey, you all going to get detention for being late."
"So what. I like detention 'cuz we all there."

The Embarcadero

2008-10-03T16:34:00.001-07:00

"I didn't really want to listen to what he had to say. He said he didn't call God 'Jesus' or 'God' like a lot of people. He referred to God as 'Ted.'"

One Market

2008-10-02T11:01:00.000-07:00

"With this fever, I feel like my head's going to implode."
"That's better than having your ass explode."

One Market

2008-09-25T10:03:00.001-07:00

"Hi, do you have safe and humane cat traps for rent? My husband and I are having a bit of a problem. What, a three-day minimum? Do you have traps that hook up to kitty doors? Oh, I see what you're saying."

One Market, elevator

2008-09-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

"That Gail, she's a weird one."
"I'll say."
"You know, on her first day, I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch with the team, and she said, 'What for?'"

One Market

2008-09-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

"What's that?"
"Watermelon water. It's good, you should try it."
"What's in it?"
"Watermelon. It's a Mexican drink. Very good. Try it."
"Naw, anything Mexican really gets me off and running, if you know what I mean."

On MUNI - N Judah

2008-09-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

"Hey, you still at the old company?"
"No, man, fuck that place. Bunch of douche bags. They tried to fucking fire me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, can you believe those fuckers? I couldn't take their shit anymore. I just old them to fuck off."
"Wow, where you working now?"
"I'm just looking and shit. I'll find some dumb-fucking job. I always fucking do."
"Good luck."
"Fucking-A."

Market @ Octavia

2008-09-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

"Now that I'm painting more, I've thought about growing a goatee and getting a tattoo."
"What? Don't look cool, be cool."

One Market

2008-09-09T16:50:00.001-07:00

"Hey, I got a poem."
"Yeah?"
"It's short."
"Well, get on with it."
"Fat boy walks home, alone."

Paradise Valley Retirement Center, Fairfield, CA

2008-09-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

"So, Grandma, how do you like it here?"
"Well, everyone is old. And it's not like Pittsburgh. But, heavens, everyone I know in Pittsburgh is dead, so where else am I going to go?"

Paradise Valley Retirement Center, Fairfield, CA

2008-09-08T13:59:00.001-07:00

"I don't know what this country is going to do. If people elect that Obooma, it will all go down the dumper. What kind of name is Obooma, anyway? It certainly isn't Irish. If people elect McCoon, at least we'll have a fighting chance against those Iraqis."

The Ferry Building

2008-09-05T16:36:00.000-07:00

"This fuckin' city sucks. I want my money back."

24th @ Sanchez

2008-09-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

"A house just isn't a house without cheese."

On BART

2008-08-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Damn these seats. Jesus Christ. I need a drink. Hey, everyone, bet on the clowns. That's right. You heard me."

Embarcadero BART Station

2008-08-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

"Excuse me, sir, I'm hungry."
"Me, too. And after working hard all day, I'm going to go home and eat."

Market @ Gough

2008-08-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

"What would you do with a million dollars?"
"I don't know why everyone expects to hear a dramatic answer to that question."
"It's fun."
"Not to me. If I had a million dollars, I'd just pay off my place, put the rest in the bank, and quit my job. Then I'd probably walk around a lot."